For those who know me, know that communication is not usually my problem. But it’s the last few months I’ve really struggled to reach out and reply to those who reach out to me. It’s not intentional, like I really want to see and speak to these people but for some reason I have these mental blocks. These mental blocks prevent me from communicating really – I guess It’s down the (lack of) energy/‘brain power’ needed to come up to a response/reply! Even text messages I struggle to reply back to! Those who know me, know that’s not personal. Nor is it intentional!

When I’m silent, it’s not always a good thing. Usually, I’m used to my mind running at 100 mph, and externally on the outside I match it! (by that I mean, doing 500 things at once, whilst thinking about the job in hand, whilst over-worrying about things I have no control of, simultaneously…lovely!). So when I’m quiet – I’m not my usual ‘normal’ self! The only way to explain it, would be to think of it like my brains a computer… theres always tabs open, many apps are in use and all the rest of it! Also, my computer is old AF and it has never had the right updates (so to speak). So, sometimes it just shuts itself off due to being overwhelmed/overheated and switches itself back on when it is cool enough and ready to. My brain goes like that. And right now, I don’t know how to help myself when I’m in ‘that mood’. And currently, my heads all over the place and is much more messier than it usually is! Also I don’t really have much of a routine going on right now, so I feel like I’m just surviving and getting through each day at the moment. I like to keep myself busy and in a routine. It’s when I’m out of a routine everything else falls down with it. With communication being one of the things that I seem to struggle with most (when I’m ‘like this’). And I don’t want to be anymore of a burden to the ones I love than I already am! Causing depression and a hell of a lot of anxiety for some ‘extra spice’.

So with that being said, I don’t reply to everybody straight away (the only person I do is my wife… Can you imagine ignoring the wife?!). But one things for sure, I will always try to reply within 3-5 working days!

T x