I think I can speak on behalf of almost everyone in the ‘neurodiverse universe’ when I say – we absolutely hate ‘small talk’.
Small talk to me personally, is confusing and I don’t actually see the point to it. What is small talk even for? If it’s to ‘fill in a gap’, then surely it’ll be better to speak about the things that matter, or something interesting, opposed to making a statement? (Think about it… small talk is just a bunch of comments/statements right?). I’ll never quite understand how I’m supposed to reply to things like; ‘nice weather we’re having!’ Am I supposed to reply with more than a semi-smile and a ‘mmhmm’ at this point? I mean, I could spice things up by replying; “yeh, It’s a great day to get the washing out on the line eh?!” – But how bloody boring!
Of course small talk could lead to a more meaningful conversation, but it takes some work to get there from ‘nice weather,’ to ‘what do you think about global warming?’. Because, of course when you’re in a small talk situation, the person who initially started it didn’t actually want to engage in an actual conversation, they just filled in the gap in that moment/space of time. I think it’s a habit more than anything, a habit that cannot be explained. most of the time once that person has ‘got that out their system’, they almost instantly become disengaged – I think that’s the thing that frustrates someone on the spectrum, we love a good old chat (if the people/environments right), and we don’t see the point in things that have no point (I think that makes sense?), therefore doesn’t spark any interest to us to even entertain said ‘small talk’. Not to mention the intense awkwardness that can be felt in the silence in between the small talk… its like people want to chat, but not at the same time.
I think that this makes us appear unapproachable, especially to those outside our circle (ie strangers!). But I think we just struggle with the concept of doing anything just for the sake of it. It’s not that we don’t like to talk – we LOVE to talk, just about ‘things’, proper things! We connect through conversation – well, I do anyway. I like to learn about people in general, I find it fascinating that a lot of people I come across do not ‘think’ like me! Much to my dismay, it always looks like I’m ‘talking for the sake of it’, but really all I’m doing is trying to engage/connect with the people I’m spending that moment in time with – and of course, trying to avoid awkward silences & ‘small talk’ at all costs!
I hope I made sense explaining this ‘subject’ (from my point of view anyway),
until next time
T x
