Honestly, they’d be no point in lying or keeping something from us! We can ‘smell a lie, like a fart in a lift!’ – okay maybe not as quick as, but once we know, we know! We’re not stupid, no matter what the ‘stigma’ of an Autistic label looks like!
We may not always ‘read the room’ right, or sometimes, can take things the wrong way…. BUT, if we get a feeling that someone is being disingenuous in some way – ‘We’, will sit and ‘stew on it’. Overthinking everything. Past conversations, things said (relevant to ‘the situation’) – I think you get the ‘gist’.
We listen intently…more so than a neurotypical would have to. I guess it’s down to the processing time we need (this can vary – depending on the environment etc) and also, due to the fact that we process things differently!
The point is, if someone like myself (as I can only speak for myself – but after doing plenty of research via various groups within the ‘neurodiverse world’, and hearing a lot of ‘others stories’… I know that I’m really not alone in the way I process/think about things!), is being lied to, or something’s ‘been hidden’ from us… very quickly we will connect the dots and figure it all out anyway! We recognise patterns, from past experiences, we learn from them! We have a strong sense of justice also, which sometimes is a pain in the arse, because theres this constant need for fairness and for the ‘right thing’ to be done! Oh God! Especially if we are the ones who were not in the wrong! This mixed along with our (sometimes) brutal honesty, makes us more sensitive to any slight changes in a persons; tone, facial expression, body language and so forth (probably down to the years of masking and constant fear of doing something wrong!). So, in a nutshell, you may as well be open and honest from ‘the start’. Because that is something we can whole heartedly say we do, in abundance!
I would much rather be told the truth, than find out later, it was a lie. Especially if it’s something being hidden from me, and my Autism gets used as an excuse of why things have been ‘shield’ from me, like really? Thats a ‘cop out’ excuse you’d use for a child! At the end of the day, as long as any feedback is given to me constructively – without using any of my symptoms of ASD & other conditions I have, which of course is all part of me (that is something I cannot change – believe me, I’ve tried!) and it comes with no malus/bad intent, I can handle/take it!
Us autistics don’t get enough credit for the ‘broad shoulders’ we have, and the ability to handle & give the truth. If anything – we handle and give the truth better than (most, if not all) neurotypical people! I’ve found through observation, that neurotypical people, lie to one another quite a bit! And tend to agree on/with things, they may not agree on/with! Whats wrong with being true to yourself? What is wrong with saying “I don’t agree with what you said/your behaviour…” to a friend? Whats wrong with saying “actually, I don’t like *insert thing here*, but each to their own!”, when ‘the crowd’ says they ‘love it!’? It baffles me how people walk through life carrying everyone else’s truths, but not their own. Pretending to be ‘okay’ with things, more so to people please… I have no ability to do that, I can’t hide my feelings , but there is ways to tell the truth, without being an arse! Like for example;
I didn’t like my friends ex because, straight away, I saw a lot of inconsistency’s throughout everything they were saying about themselves and their situation, a lot did not ‘add up’, put it that way! Did my friend know I had those concerns? Yes! I’d even question them in front of my friend. Not in a horrible way, a subtle way (which my friend knows me well enough to know when I’m ‘fishing for information’ lol) whilst getting to know them. Was I honest about how that person made me feel with their inconstancies? Absolutely! But did I still ‘hang out’ with my friend and their (then) partner? Yes, of course – I wouldn’t want my friend, to not feel supported by me. But I did have to step back and limit how much time I would spend with them, as it would stress me out, because you have to be cautious with ‘what you say’ & ‘how much you say’ in sensitive situations such as that. As it could force the person you actually care about, away from you. Lust is a funny thing and my friend was blinded by it completely. But saying that, I knew it wouldn’t work out/last between them, as I knew that eventually my friend, would finally come to their senses and realise that, that ex of theirs was nothing but a deceitful, lying piece of sh!t (and I was right). Sometimes as hard as it is, you have to let people ‘find out themselves’, but, ‘easy as it sounds’, this is something I know, I will always struggle with. As I want what’s best for those who I care about!
So, it was no surprise to my friend when the relationship finally broke down, and I gave my ‘unfiltered’ opinion/s. I’ve seen it happen before (in other situations) where, someone breaks up with someone and the whole friendship group finally has an opinion on ‘the ex’, thoughts and feelings that they didn’t share before – and the OP (other person) being surprised by all these revelations and is ‘blindsided’ by those around them/closest to them, as ‘they didn’t say anything before’. Then it leads to the person questioning why. Why couldn’t they tell me? Or why did they feel like they couldn’t come to me ‘at the time’ with their concerns? I believe in order to have a good, strong and lasting friendship you must be open and honest with one another. Because if you cant, why are you friends?
Don’t get me wrong, I would be lying myself, if I said that a ‘little white lie’ or two hasn’t passed my lips in all my life. But most of that is down to preservation, or just having to ‘fit in’ somewhat! Let’s face it, we all do it to some degree! But it’s down to how far you go with ‘the lie’ and who (if anyone) is going to be affected by it.
The lesson here, would be to always hold your own truth! Stand up for the things you believe in, and sit down for the things you don’t! We are all different, and have different tolerances to bullsh!t. I for one, have ZERO tolerance for it, as it serves no purpose, and always ends with more… bullsh!t!
until next time,
T x
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