Ahh, ‘hints’ – what’s the point in them?
This can ‘go along’ with my previous blog/s, when I have mentioned (probably more than once) that there is a need for a neurodivergent person (especially with ASD & ADHD – aka ‘the fun mix’) to have clear, concise, straight forward, ‘to the point’ communication.
I mean, it’s hard enough trying to work out if people are ‘mad at me’ or not… Let alone trying to figure out, if what ‘they just said’ is a massive hint for me to do something or not!! Like hinting, to me, just looks like someone’s thought/s had slipped out! – For example; when people say “oooh my mouths really dry…probably ‘cos I’m gasping for a drink..” Well, I see that as a ‘statement’, because theres no question to be answered there. Someone’s just mentioning that their hydration level could be low due to insignificant beverage consumption… haha sorry, I liked the way that sounded! Basically, if you’re thirsty, go get a drink, or ask for one! No one, is going to punch you in the face for asking (well I hope not)! I mean ‘now we’re here’, Is it considered rude to ask for a drink when you’re (a guest) at someone else’s home?… Personally, I don’t think it is because, mind reading does not exist and theres nothing wrong with asking, the worst thing they could say is “no” right?! And anyway, if your guests are hinting by saying that they’re ’dying of thirst’, ask yourself “when was the last time I offered them a drink?” (If you had done in the first place that is)! This could just be a ‘me thing’, but I don’t let my guests even finish their 1st drink, before I’m asking them if they would like a refill.. I guess its ‘the fear’ of them going away and saying that I’m a terrible host! And most probably that’s down to my own needs not being met as a child, I now have a need to look after anyone (that’s not many), who comes to ‘mine’.… Oops tangent over here!! LOL It’s just – hinting really boils my p*ss. As it makes me look somewhat incompetent and ‘ditzy’.
What I’m saying is… STOP HINTING! There’s no need for it. Need help? Ask for it! Want something? Ask for it! There’s no point wasting time tiptoeing around what you want to say, just get to the point! (*aha, I ‘say that’ – unless ADHD ‘takes over’ the Autism – then I take a lot of ‘side roads’ when telling a story ‘n’ things… but that’s for another blog). If you’re in a situation where you don’t feel like you can ask, then you’re quite clearly in the wrong situation (for you). I’ve been in those situations myself, before my diagnosis’. It’s exhausting and probably goes ‘hand in hand’ with ‘masking’. But the point is – It is okay to vocalise your needs! No need to hint, just come out & say it (what it is you need)! Some people see it as being blunt, I see it as communicating one’s needs, in a direct and clear manner. If you don’t with me, then 9 times out of 10, I will not take ‘the hint’ out of the ‘statement’ you just gave me. I can’t help it, It’s how my brain works.
You know what? This ‘subject’ would tie in quite well with one of my previous posts – where I ‘spoke about’ how ‘small talk’ is basically a load of statements being ‘lobbed’ around! (you can find that here – Small Talk – Eugh!)
But the difference between small talk & hinting, is that with hinting there’s need or intent behind it (whatever that maybe) whereas small talk is to ‘fill in a gap’. Both things are unnecessary. So with that – just tell us what you want from us, as it may look like you’re being ignored, and we (as the hint flys over our heads) look completely ‘non-compos mentis’. As we try and work out if you’re just making a statement OR if you actually want ‘something’ from us!
Until next time,
T
