Executive dysfunction (E-D), was never ‘in my sight’ throughout most of my life, better still, I never knew the word existed, let alone what it was! I was always constantly ‘on the go’, and struggling! I would always be super busy and thought that was the reason behind why I’ve been tired all my life. I thought everyone was struggling the same as I was, and that they were just better at hiding it!
But now, when I take a look back on my life, I can see that it was actually always really apparent, the ‘E-D’ was just presenting itself in other ways! Where I would be thriving in one area in my life, another area would crumble and fall apart! Stopping was never an option. It was not how I was ‘raised’. I thought if I stopped, it means I fail. Other people seemed to gracefully float through life, whereas I would be the one, clumsily stumbling behind trying to catch everyone up! The best way to describe how I ‘lived my life’, would be to imagine spinning multiple plates at the same time (the plates represent different aspects of ones life), you have to alternate spinning each one, in order to prevent them coming to a stop and breaking.
The point is to only spin as many plates as you can comfortably manage. Not ALL at the same time, like I was doing! It is an act that can only be kept up for so long, unless you’re as robot – but even they break! I of course, just had to learn this the hard way and now all my plates are broken and I need to start again. And now the current problem for me, is to ‘get started’ again and gain some form of momentum.
Now, you’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with executive dysfunction… well, it actually has everything to do with it! Because, when a neurodivergent person gets too overwhelmed, and does too much, they can end up in this ‘state’ – preventing them from doing absolutely anything (even the smallest of things)! The overwhelming sensation to want to do things, but just can’t work out how to! Prioritising important tasks becomes near enough impossible, because the brainpower to do this is nonexistent in that moment! – It was only last week, I forgot how to cut the cheese, to make a cheese sandwich!! No joke, my wife had to take over as she couldn’t stand back and watch me massacre this defenceless block of cheese no more! In that moment, I went completely blank! It was like it was the first time I’ve ever seen cheese in my life!
Executive dysfunction is a thing and can show up in many ways! Whilst it could be seen as (and feels like) laziness, it is not that. It’s what comes after doing too much or having too much to do. The brain just goes ‘nah.’ Kind of like an old school computer… it runs, but open up too many tabs, it crashes and needs a reset. Executive dysfunction is kind of needed I think, because it then forces people like me to actually rest, and have a moment where the fast and furious ‘over-thinker thoughts’ turn into barely any thoughts in slow motion! That’s what it feels like to me anyway!
I should practice what I preach when I say this but, if you’re going through periods of this (or know someone who is), remember it means that rest is needed. It means things have become ‘too much’ and the brain needs a break, before a burnout happens/or worsens!
For more information on what executive dysfunction is, I found this; https://add.org/executive-function-disorder/
Until next time,
T
