Most of the stuff that I have written so far, on ‘my-messsy-mind’ has been centred around my autism diagnosis, which I had received earlier this year. I think it’s because that one really did ‘knock me back’ as, it had never crossed my mind that I could actually be Autistic!
Now, throughout my life, ADHD had always been quite visible/apparent with me, as I was the one who you could hear before you see! Always making people laugh either with me or at me and continuously on the go (and many other hyperactive elements/traits, which dominated my whole being – sometimes a blessing, most of the time a curse). So basically I had always felt like I had some ‘kind of hyperactive disorder’, but nothing pushed me to seek a diagnosis at that time – As there was ‘nothing much wrong’ with this positive bundle of joy! I was known as ‘the one who held everyone else up’, when in reality, I was the one who needed the holding up!
So why do I have a weird relationship with ADHD?… Well, just last week (30.10.25), I received my official diagnosis of ADHD (the ‘combined’ one!), and for some reason, since then I’ve felt kinda… weird. I haven’t looked at the forms I need to fill in for the medication (which I’d normally be ‘all over’ & completed them by now!), that I’ve been strongly advised to try – due to the complexity of my lil noggin! Nor have I even looked up information about having ADHD and what it means to have the combined kind (as someone who ‘Googles’ everything!), so this isn’t ‘right’ for me! I’m in this weird state of mind currently and I can’t seem to figure out why, nor can I explain it!
Maybe, it’s because I’ve always thought I had ADHD, so I had already accepted that ‘part of myself’ a long time ago? Or maybe, it’s because after years of blaming my childhood and mental health for ‘the way that I am’, I now have answers (two ND diagnosis’) to why I’ve always felt ‘different’ to everyone around me? Maybe it’s all the above (and more)? I guess I need to give my self the same patience and kindness I issue to everyone else so freely!
And lastly, I should probably try not to be so hard on myself, in the process of processing everything I’ve been through (honestly, I’ve been through enough to make a nun swear)! I have two neurological conditions and I cannot help the way that I am, nor will I ever fit into the ‘mould’ created by the neurotypical, so I need to stop trying!
Until next time,
T
