‘Regression’, it’s spoken about, but not hugely highlighted, because ‘regression’ is usually referred to (in neurodivergent adults) as a ‘burnout’. It basically means when one does things (to regulate/recover – such as playing with fidget spinners etc etc etc), which may not seem ‘age appropriate’. So, whilst I’m ‘in the thick of it’, I thought I’d write about ‘it’… from my experience/POV of course!
Now, after thirty plus years of me just getting on with things, adulting at a pace, I clearly shouldn’t have been adulting at! I’m currently in this ‘regression period’ – with no idea how long it’s supposed/going to last. But with the current ongoing ‘stresses’ I have going on in my life currently – it’s no wonder why I am experiencing it as such a high and disabling level! After doing some research I found a useful website with information on the matter… and they explain what regression is/means, which I’ll pop right here; https://neuronav.org/self-determination-blog/understanding-autistic-regression-adults#:~:text=Regression%20refers%20to%20the%20loss,need%20for%20rest%20and%20regulation.
To an outsider (someone who knows nothing about me), when I’m on the brink of a melt down, it could look like I’m acting like a stroppy teenager – when really, I’m struggling to regulate in that moment. I get snappy, irritated easily, all noises seem louder than normal, even my ‘noise cancelling headphones/earplugs’ can’t dull the sounds going on around me enough! And the light/s.. burn my eyeholes! The longer I’m in an environment that I don’t ‘feel safe in’/thats causing me stress, the longer it takes me to recover, in turn meaning that the amount I regress, intensifies (also to mention, that my vocal stimming/humming increases also – and no, most of the time I don’t realise I’m doing it). So with that, I tend not to go out at the moment. Unless I have someone with me, or if I absolutely have to (for an appointment etc)! I hope the way I’m struggling right now, is not my forever…
Regression doesn’t always present itself in highly tense situations, nor does it ‘show up’ the same way/s. For me (and a lot of other NDs), it also presents itself when I’m at home. This is where my mood lighting comes into play, I have these funky, rubber hand pebbles which have different textures, which I subconsciously move around in my hands – they feel so good, and I can’t explain why! I also like to wear my shark onesie (with fins for feet!) – Makes me feel all snug & safe.
I could go on for longer on this subject, but the main point in this blog right here, is that regression is a ‘normal thing’ for someone who’s neurodivergent. It means that they just need to do what feels right for them at the time, to regulate themselves. And one should certainly not feel ashamed either.
until next time,
T x
