And not in the way you’re thinking.. Basically, due to my most recent friendship breakdown, I am no longer going to be the friend, who everyone benefits from! And also, I must remember that; ‘not everyone who says they’re a friend, actually are one!’.
I will be approaching any new friendships from here on out, with utter caution. Mainly because I know what I’m like, I get fully invested in the person (who I believe is a friend). I want to spend time with them, get to know them as a whole… not for anything other than, I just like them/their presence and I always believe it’s reciprocal! I seem to carry this sort of naivety with people, and I can be walked over so easily – more so, because I tend to believe everything a person says, because why would someone lie? Innocent until proven guilty, right?!
I am very much a ‘if I’ve got it, you can have it’ straight off the bat, kind of friend, which is normally ok if the ‘feelings mutual’! Unfortunately, every once in a while, I will make friends with ‘the wrong person’… who sees my weaknesses and uses them against me, taking everything they want and came for! Then inevitably walking away when they’ve got what they wanted and there’s no use for me anymore!
What can I say… I have a habit of seeing the good in a person no matter what others say, as I really like to believe that there’s good in everyone! I don’t listen to warnings which have weight to them, until it’s too late, and I’ve ‘learned it the hard way’! I guess this comes from being misunderstood all my life and again, being naive in thinking that everyone else is in that same situation of being misunderstood themselves!
But, like my therapist said to me quite recently; “not everyone thinks like you, so that is why you cannot fathom how someone could treat someone badly” – which, when I think about it, they’re right! I cannot and will not ever understand how people can be intentionally cruel to another human being, or how someone can so easily take advantage and use another person, then dispose the friendship like it was nothing! I guess it’s not for me to understand. I just need to ensure that I do not go into new friendships at full speed. Real friendships grow and solidify over time, and are proven to be genuine, through how effortless it is to maintain them. And most importantly, I need to remember that in this world we’re living in, if someone comes along and ‘can’t do enough for me’, then they’re probably after something!… Time will tell on that, and I guess I just have to be patient with future friendships and not ‘give it everything’ (both material and emotional), until that person proves their worthiness, with actions that match their words.
Friendships should never be based around what a person ‘brings to the table’… Simply being at the table, should always be enough and if it isn’t, then walk away, peacefully & wish them all the best!
Until next time,
T
